Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
from now on my penis is your penis
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
