if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
