roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
