Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
