i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
