Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
