super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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