Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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