I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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