he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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