He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
