Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
