Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
