The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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