i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
