Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
