I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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