I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
