she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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