I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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