You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
