dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
