My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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