remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
