she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
