I want to have your abortion
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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