i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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