And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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