So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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