TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
