I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize