I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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