Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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