im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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