What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
