i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My hand turned me down
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
