You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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