The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
