You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
