ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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