Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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