You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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