can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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