remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
