Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
