Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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