Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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