We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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