Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think your dad took our porno
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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