my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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