Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
