we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You're like the curious george of whores
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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