Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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