I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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