I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
