I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
