my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
