I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
