A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
