How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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