u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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