found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize