dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
