Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
