im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
