He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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