I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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