i permit you to call me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
