your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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