Swine flu. Run for my life!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
