I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize