I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
