chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
