I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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