one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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