oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
