I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
