More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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