you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
