i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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