I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
