Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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