This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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