Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
