I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
