even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize