I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
