Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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