She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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