Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
