Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
