apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
