There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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