you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize