Don't make out with my wife yet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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