dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
