I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
