Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
