chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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