Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
