We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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