i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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