I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
