I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
