Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
