I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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