I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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