U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
