I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its about making memories worth repressing
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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