Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
